Five surgeons are talking. The first, an Ontario surgeon, says: ” I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered. ” The second, a Quebec surgeon, responds: ” Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is colour coded. ” The third, a B.C. surgeon, says: ” No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside of them is in alphabetical order. ” The fourth, an Alberta surgeon, chimes in: ” You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over. ” But the fifth, a Newfoundlander, shut them all up when he observed,” You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable. “
1. Don’t ever lie to us, we always find out.
2. We don’t enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.
3. Don’t say you understand when you don’t.
4. Girls are petty, get over it.
5. You don’t have PMS; don’t act like you know what it’s
6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
7. If you talk about having a big dick, we know you don’t.
8. Size does matter.
9. We don’t like it when you act like Mr Big; we like it when you are Mr Big.
10. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.
11. No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a hoe.
12. It’s good to be sensitive, sometimes.
13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn’t, apologize.
14. Be spontaneous, dinner and a movie won’t always cut it.
15. We are self-conscious by nature, we can’t help it.
16. We are drama queens.
17. Fashion police do exist.
18. Don’t ask us to give head; if you are nice you just might get it.
19. We absolutely do not care about monster trucks, car systems, paintball or anything else you and your friends talk about.
20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
21. We don’t shave our legs every day, get over it.
22. Don’t make bets about us, we always find out.
23. Shave- no matter how cool you think it looks, we hate it.
24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emitt other strange gases from your body, it is not.
25. Don’t compare our breasts with Pamela Anderson’s, hers are fake.
26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.
27. We are beautiful, but make-up helps.
28. We will always think we are fat so humor us and tell us we aren’t.
29. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick so why the hell can’t you piss in the toilet and not on it.
30. Most importantly – we are always right – so don’t forget it.